At Last...

Jeff and I had decided pretty early on that we wanted to do a "first look" before the ceremony.  There were practical reasons to consider, such as being able to do our formal pictures before the ceremony and max out our time at the reception, but more importantly it just felt, to us, like the right thing to do.  Neither of us much likes being the center of attention, and we knew that we would be sort of emotional (or at least entirely goofy) when we saw each other for the first time as a bride and groom.  We didn't want to have that moment in front of a crowd of people because we were afraid the pressure to "get it right" for everyone else would ruin it for us.

I stayed hidden in the bridal suite while a videographer ran to get Jeff.  I saw him walk past the window--I could only see the side of his face and none of what he was wearing--and I totally lost it.  I went crazy-giddy-spastic, unable to wait one more second to see him.  I started jumping up and down, clapping.  "There he is!" I yelled.  The videographer laughed at me and told me I had to wait.

I tried to sneak over to the window to get a better look, but one of the Matts saw me coming.  "Get back in there!" he ordered.  I retreated but wasn't deterred: I still wanted to see me groom!  I caught another glimpse of the back of his head.  His sunglasses were still on and I yelled out the window to anyone who would listen: "Make him take off his glasses!", which prompted everyone within earshot to shout back to me to stop looking and wait.

Finally, I pulled Jaymi aside.  "I really, really want to see him," I told her.  "It's my wedding, and I can't wait to see my groom."

After a long moment of deliberation on her part, she finally replied, "Okay, but he can't see you.  I'll block for you."  She turned around, spread her arms wide, and I crouched behind her.  together we started sneaking over to the window, the videographer laughing at us the whole way.  Halfway there, however, I heard the photographer yell through the window, "Okay, you can come out now!"

I don't even remember walking to the door.  All I remember is stepping outside and seeing Jeff standing there with his back to me.  It took every.single.ounce of self-control I possess not to run up and hug him.

The photographer directed me as I "snuck up" behind him.  I craned my neck to try to see his face, to no avail.

Finally--finally!--she gave me the signal to tap him on the shoulder. 

I reached out and tapped him, and...nothing.  He didn't turn around.  I think he thought I was cheating.  I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Hey, Buddy."  Finally, he turned around.

It's a blur after that.  I remember smiling.  Further photographic evidence shows that we were, predictably for us, laughing hysterically at what was supposed to be a rather emotional moment:

I vaguely remembered kissing him, but again I had to defer to the photos to make sure this actually happened:

I remember my eyes eventually tearing up--his did too, a little, though he now denies it.

We checked each other out in our fancy duds:

We kissed again:

I twirled and asked him if he liked my dress.  He said, "Yes!  You look amazing."  I told him how handsome he looked.  We couldn't stop staring at each other.

I straightened his tie for him:

And then I noticed he was wearing the wrong boutonniere.  Oops.  I called to my mom to bring out the right one.

Best man Matt to the rescue!

I know a lot of couples think this "first look" thing spoils the fun of seeing each other for the first time as you're walking down the aisle.  And they may be right; after all, it's not like I have the experience to say they're wrong.  But what I do know is that this moment was one of my absolute favorite moments of the whole entire day.  I was so excited to see him, I think I would have RUN down the aisle to him if we hadn't done this first.  And even though there were a few people around (photographer, videographers, bridal party and parents) it was nowhere near the pressure we would have felt in front of everyone else.  And despite all those onlookers, it felt like it was just the two of us.  Like in cheesy movies where the whole scene slows down and the camera focuses only on the two people in the room who are meant to be together.  In spite of its cliche nature, that was exactly how that moment felt.  Bits and pieces of it may be blurry, but the feeling of that moment, of seeing him for the first time, is so vivid in my mind that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.