When Jeff and I stood up in front of our family and friends three short months ago (where has the time gone?) we vowed to stick together, through richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, for better or for worse. I just never thought the "for worse" part would come so soon. Last month, my family lost an incredibly crucial person to us, entirely unexpectedly. I've gone back and forth on whether or not to write a blog entry about this, as it seems somehow wrong to put it out there for the whole internet to see. However, I set out to make this a blog not about my wedding, but about my life, and this is most definitely a part of my life.
My aunt was an incredibly warm, caring, genuine person who was a huge part of our family. Four weeks ago today, she decided to take her own life. My family is still sorting through her reasons for doing this, and figuring out what our lives will look like without her in them. We are just starting to see through the storm to what our "new normal" will be, and only now can I begin to talk about this, or--perhaps more accurately--to talk about anything other than this without feeling as though I am somehow betraying her and the rest of my family. Only now can I address this here, and only now can I go on to talk about my wedding, about my life with my husband, and about my everyday experiences without feeling a crushing guilt that perhaps I'm healing too quickly.
This has been the most trying experience of my life. Jeff has been there for every step, in ways I never could have imagined he would be and in ways I wouldn't even have thought to ask for. I am so incredibly happy to have him to lean on when I can't stand on my own two feet. Even with everything else that's going on, my relationship with my husband has never been stronger: he has shown me how much of a family we really have become, and I truly don't know how I would have gotten through this without him.
It's unlikely that I will talk about this again on this blog. It's too raw, too serious, and too deep for me to open up about more than once. But I thought that I should explain what happened, why the long absence from the blog, and make sure to honor my aunt's memory by not pretending everything's okay when it isn't.
I'll be back soon with posts about our honeymoon, about life on this side of the wedding, and about our new house hunting efforts. Until then, thanks for hanging in there. It's been a rough couple of months, but I'm finally back to blogging. For better or for worse.
